10 commandments for men

THERE ARE 78 genes that differentiate a man from a woman, but that's science. If we really sit and note down the differences, the list will be endless. In the battle of the sexes, it takes a lifetime for both men and women to really get over the differences.

As a result they perpetually end up saying the wrong thing to each other.

Here's what Delhi men have to say about the top ten things a man should never say to a woman. They may sound terribly sexist, but then trust men to come up with the most sexist comments.

So just laugh it off ladies!

COMMITMENT ISSUES

1. A man's confusion begins right from day one. 'Should I say I will call?' 'Is she really into me or am I making a fool of myself?' The same confusion plays in the woman's mind too. The trick is to never let the other person know your urgency to get into a relationship. "Early on in the dating phase, do not ever say how much of a commitment- phile or a commitment- phobe you are. Don't be the first one to profess your love, let her do it first," says Karan Madan, a medical practitioner.

"Women play the same waiting game with men," he adds.

LIAR LIAR!

2. A woman would never believe a man who says she is the first he has fallen for. Only an imbecile of the highest order would think that a woman would believe him if he says he's still a virgin ( even if it is true). Everyone has a ' past' these days. The safest bet would be to change the topic. " Also she won't believe you if you say you were a stud in college or school... With your pot belly and no sense of dressing, she will laugh it off," says Vishal Sharma, who works with a multinational company.

THANKS FOR THE SEX

3. Never say thank you after sex. The two words have the potential to ruin the relationship. " One sloppy thank you after sex and you'll make her feel as if you're desperate for sex," says Madan.

FAMILY TIES

4. A woman would never hear anything against her family. "Especially her mother — they are holy territory," says Sharma.

A woman will first react strongly. Then she'll cry. And then she'll sulk for the rest of the day. This will be repeated the next 'in-law' argument you have. Then, after a point of time, whatever you say against her family will not register. So no use being the 'bad, insensitive' guy. Gal pals come next after the mother-in-law. You say aword against them and you'll be the green- eyed monster.

AUTO SUGGESTION

5. Yes women can drive, and that's why they got licences. A sexist statement like ' Why can't women drive?' will just trigger the 'Fine-I-will-never-drive-your-car' reaction. "She'll make sure she says ' your car' to add insult to the injury. We are just concerned about their safety because the roads are mostly male-dominated, and men are worse drivers than women," says Anurag Khanna, a business entrepreneur.

"Besides, it gives them fodder for the next fight. Be sure that she will use it against you the next time you dent your," says Sharma.

Drive and let her drive... that's happiness mantra.

SHOP QUIZZES

6. Men are devoid of the gene that can understand the logic behind buying clothes, matching shoes, bags and accessories. "And if she thinks that you need to shop for clothes and shoes, just nod without asking too many questions. And under that garb, if she ends up buying five pairs for herself then you better pay up for each one of those pairs," says Nitin Gulati, a business analyst.

MISMATCHES

7. There's no point telling her that her clothes are not right, or the accessories don't match, especially when her other woman friends have paid her a million compliments for the ensemble. " You will just get to hear, ' what do you know about clothes'," says Sharma. Also don't say anything about her overcrowded handbag. " A woman carries her world in her handbag. There's a small eco- system in my wife's bag.

But I dare not say a word about it. No matter how long she takes to fish out her credit card, when she is inside an ATM," says Khanna.

FAT QUESTION

8. Be it size zero or size 40, a woman is never happy with her figure. Even if you say you love the way she looks and that she is perfect for you, she won't believe you. The answer to the 'Am I fat' question is a tough one... once again its better you change the topic.

ARE YOU ANGRY?

9. The answer to this question will always be 'No or nothing'. If a woman is angry with you, it's for sure due to something that you have done.

"You'll be doomed if you ask what's bothering her and doomed if you don't. If you do muster up the courage to ask her, then just patiently listen to her rant. Do not cross- question or argue," says Gulati.

NEVER DISAGREE

10. Disagreements are a recipe for disaster.

Answer in monosyllables like 'uhmmm'. "When that 'uhmmm' stops working, you'll have to replace it with longish accords. However, since women today are much more liberated, she'll disagree with you as a matter of policy and practice. So don't question her disagreements either," says Gulati.